I asked a very simple question of a professional acquaintance via email last month. I wanted to know the gender breakdown of buyers in a specific industry, and since she was VP of Sales for a large company in that industry, I thought she’d have a handle on it. I was assuming that most of the buyers and purchasing agents would be women — just a hunch, given the industry.

I had to laugh when I received her reply. Here’s what she said:

“I can’t say that I am comfortable telling you with any specifics that your assumptions are accurate. In fact, I am not sure that many of your assumptions are very likely, but I have gone ahead and asked our consumer insights team to give me some specific feedback. The good news is they can do that, the bad news is it won’t be until midweek that we can get the data and assumption validation back to you.”

Now, don’t get me wrong, I was thrilled that she took the trouble to look into the matter for me — I just didn’t understand why her reply was so convoluted. She actually went quite a bit out of her way to help me, though, as two weeks later I got this further communication:

“I had our Director of Consumer Insights look into the assumptions you requested validation on and unfortunately, we were unable to find any sources to affirm them. In fact, there was little to any studies to date that would even come close to confirming your thoughts, so I would be challenged in telling you that you can feel comfortable with those statements. Sorry we couldn’t help you more.”

I actually had to read these emails from her several times to make sure I understood them, and that she understood what I had asked of her. In my mind, her communication was way over the top for a simple email request, and it did risk being misunderstood. Perhaps that’s the language of her company, but it’s something I don’t recommend for any kind of business communication. It’s not clear.

Here’s what I think she should have said:

“I don’t think your assumptions are correct, but I’ll check it out and get back to you midweek.”

and

“I checked on the gender of buyers with our Director of Consumer Insights, and there’s no information to confirm they’re mostly women. Sorry we couldn’t help you more.”

That, I would have understood immediately, and it would have been far easier for her to write, too, I imagine.

This is a pet peeve of mine.

Communication in business tends to be filled with twenty-five cent words. “Utilize.” “Implement.” “Facilitate.” The problem is that using these words makes writing less clear, not more clear. Saying that your company “authors solutions-based metrics” sounds intimidating, but it really doesn’t tell your customer — or your competition, or the people within the company — anything at all. To make writing more clear, and to make sure that your message is truly heard, take out the twenty-five cent words and put in some cheaper ones. Don’t “utilize.” Just “use.”

Apply this simplification strategy to business plans, strategy reports, and plain old emails, and watch the transformation that takes place. Investors will be able to see the real value of your product or service more clearly. Clients and customers will see the advantages that you have over your competition. The company itself will find it easier to stay on task, because outcomes will be more obvious, and requests and reports will become more clear.

So from now on, before you send an email, replace “utilize” with “use.” Replace “authored” with “wrote.” Get rid of “implement” in favor of “begin” or “create.” Get simple, get clear — and watch your marketing effectiveness rise.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 24th, 2007 at 5:27 pm and is filed under Tactics and Techniques. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.